Is Love Online Possible? Could it be Real?

Consuelo is my grandmother. She is almost 90 years old and usually tells me that the world and people are not the same as in her youth. I usually reply by asking why she thinks that, and her answer is always the same, “People are here without being here, always glued to their cellphones.” I can say that I may understand my grandma’s point of view. You just need to see a family reunion. After 5 to 10 minutes of talking, at least one of her daughters or grandchildren start to check their phones and get lost in it. We need to realize there are people who don’t use them. I know it is hard to believe, but people like my grandma who didn’t grow up with smartphones consider this rude and disrespectful and it may be that she just doesn’t understand how to use a phone or has a different mindset about modern socialization and connection, or perhaps we really are the ones who are losing ourselves in the virtual world.

Reality shows us that more and more people spend most of their time online due to work, studies, entertainment, social media, business, you name it. Since COVID-19 and the lockdown, companies and schools that weren’t originally designed for online interactions were transformed to incorporate one in order to keep up with the times. Now we are “free” again, and even though COVID is still here with numerous, more aggressive variants, thanks to massive vaccination efforts we are returning to “normal life.” This pandemic reminded us of our social nature as human beings, which means that we need to be connected with others, and technology can help make this possible.

The new reality of “normal life” teaches us a double moral lesson, that we need connection but should still be concerned with our own safety. Perhaps what my grandma doesn’t understand is the fact that we can create connections beyond our neighborhoods. We may have friends and coworkers overseas, even on the opposite side of the world, people that we may love as if they were our own family, people that we may not have physically met, but with whom we have strong emotional connections, sometimes even stronger relationships than with our own relatives.

This didn’t only start with the onset of COVID-19. Perhaps we can go all the way back to 1973 when Doug Brown and David Woolley invented the “Talkomatic”, the first online chat, which is probably the earliest predecessor of chats and social media as we know it nowadays. Even before that time, people have always been looking for ways to be connected and to facilitate communication.

When I was a teenager between 14 and 15 years old, my mom used to tell me that online chats made me a target, exposing my personal information. She told me it was dangerous, and it really could be, but when you are a teenager you love the forbidden. So, like any other introverted kid who likes adventures, I started to explore online chats. Meeting people around the world with different beliefs, perspectives, cultures, etc., was just delightful. I met people with good and bad intentions, people who wanted to have virtual sex, ones who used others like a therapist, people who pretended to be whomever they wanted to be in their own fantasy environment, people who just wanted company, people looking for love, those who just wanted to be heard, people wanting to play board games and others who looked for a match based on interests to find friendship, which was my case.

After some years interacting with all kinds of people who use the online chats or social media, I realized there are major things to watch out for: there are people out there with nefarious intentions, sometimes pretending to be someone else, (be careful to not get catfished), and the second is that even when there are millions of people online, you can’t have a real connection with them all. Like in the real world, even when you are surrounded by thousands of people, you might still feel alone.

We always have an agenda, whether we are looking for love, avoiding loneliness, wanting to interact with others far away, whether we are looking for amusement, or trying to fulfill social needs, etc. One of the first things you have to do when you meet someone, virtually or face to face, is to discover their real intentions. When you clarify them, you can decide if you want to continue the relationship or not, gearing interactions around the type of relationship you are looking for, if you desire to establish one. These relationships can be fleeting or could last a lifetime.

When the intention is to love and be loved, or to have a real friendship, I learned one needs to be open and honest about it. If you want the relationship to grow you will need to invest a lot of your time with that person to build a strong and durable relationship. When it is an online relationship, this is even more necessary because the “dates” will become long chats on the phone even until you fall asleep. It is difficult to maintain that kind of relationship but it is not impossible.

I once had a boyfriend for 5 years, whom I started dating online and after we met in person, but we were living in different countries so our in-person interactions were limited. At the end, we ended the relationship because we realized we were looking to live different, incompatible lifestyles. I don’t regret the experience as I learned and matured with him, and it is fun to see how destiny works because he led me to meet my husband, also online, but that story we will leave for later.

For now, a short answer to the lingering question regarding whether love online is possible or real is yes, it is possible, but will require extra effort to make it work, but establishing it and letting it run naturally should not feel forced, with faith and trust.

~

Maria Sonntag - Mexico

Story of My Life

I was three years old when my father passed away and we were four school-age children. When I finished my fourth year at school, at the time obligatory and free, my mother chose to send the two boys to study, while my sister and I stayed at home. She did not have the resources to send everyone to school and we lived far from the city ​​of Nova Sintra, but I never let go of the desire to learn and go back to school.

When I was little, I was always a good student and when I saw my classmates who continued to study in the preparatory circle because at the time there was no high school on my island, I often cried in secret.

In 1998, at the age of 18, I left my island, Brava, to look for work on the island of Santiago. I always wanted to be independent, but on my island, there were no job opportunities because it is a small island.

While in the City of Praia, I heard that the third phase of literacy class started on Brava, in teaching for adults. I returned as soon as possible, but I couldn't get in because they were already advanced, and I missed the first year. However, the following year, another class opened and I decided to go. I did the fifth and sixth years in an integrated way.

At the time, many people considered me crazy for going to study at night as an adult, but I didn’t give up and always had the support of my ex-boyfriend, the father of my daughter, with whom I was living at the time.

I was lucky because as soon as I finished literacy in 1999, two seventh-year post-work classes opened at the high school and there were many applicants, because, normally in Brava, the seventh-year classes will start with adults, but many didn't make it to the end because they gave up.

I received the prize for best student and the Literacy Program supported me with 50% of the tuition and the city council provided the remaining 50%.

At the same time, they happened to open a competition for a kindergarten teacher, so I went to take the test, passed, and started working in 2001 while still studying at night. In that same year my daughter was born. I was 21 years old.

The decision that impacted my life forever:

When I finished the 12th year with good grades, having even gone to the honor roll, I enrolled at the Instituto Superior de Education in the city of Praia to train in the area of childhood education or in the Portuguese language, however, the opportunity arose to go to Portugal.

The director of the high school contacted me, saying that there were some vacancies for courses in Portugal because he knew that I had dreams of continuing my studies. Having finished high school with the best grade for both day and night students, they soon gave me the priority in choosing the course I wanted to take.

After talking to all my family members and my boyfriend at the time about the opportunity to go to Portugal, they all supported me, but the hardest part was having to leave my daughter behind. They all encouraged me to take the opportunity and promised to take care of my little girl who was 4 years old at the time. So, I made a big decision that would impact my life forever.

In 2005, at the age of 25, I and 3 people much younger than me left for the City of Leiria, in Portugal. With the support of the City Council, I was going to take the business management course.

I stayed in Portugal for almost 5 years and there were several difficulties, including adaptation, financial hardship, some health problems, and the hardest of all, having to stay away from my little princess. If I didn't have the willpower, I would have given up right away. During the course, I worked at night in one of the school canteens, and I managed to go on vacation twice to visit my daughter.

As I am an Aries I didn't give up and in 2010, of the 4 students who left together, I was the only one to return to my home island with my CV already sent to several companies, but from the City Council I got a second three-month internship in the areas of accounting and human resources.

Afterward, I was hired to be in charge of human resources, and soon after, I accepted the invitation to work as Municipal Secretary.

From that date on, I joined a political party and started an active political life, with the idea of ​​being able to make a difference and help people. In the meantime, I participated in the electoral campaigns on the list for the National Assembly of the Republic, so with the city council change, I lost my job. Then I ran for the position of Manager of the National Program to Combat Poverty, a government program that operated in 7 of the 10 islands that make up the Cape Verde Archipelago. I was hired to manage the Technical Unit on my island, and I stayed there from 2014 to 2019. During the period I worked as a Program Manager, we helped many families create a source of income.

I had the opportunity to do several technical and professional training actions, and I had the opportunity to work with many young people and women on the islands of Brava, Fogo and Santiago, providing training and consultancy to those who wanted to create and implement a business idea and to those who wanted to develop a business.

I had the opportunity to replace my colleague in the National Assembly of the Republic and in 2020 I ran for President of the Municipal Assembly of my beloved island, but I lost the election, thus getting the position of vice president.

After that, with my daughter and my current husband living in the United States, I decided it was time to gather and build my family and I decided to come and live here at the age of 41. I arrived at the decision that I would build a new story here.

On my island, I am a reference for many people, including young people and women

because I always tell my story to young people and other women to never deprive themselves of their dreams. Education, studies, and knowledge are goods that no one can take away from us and that make us feel good in society.

Making the decision back then was the beginning of becoming the WOMAN I AM TODAY. An Empowering Woman, with her own will, fearless, who never gets tired of looking for new knowledge and learning.

~

Margarida Rodrigues - Cape Verde

The Best Ten Years of My Life

Usually, people remember with great nostalgia their childhood or youth years. Sometimes people think about their high school years and the love illusions we all had at some point. It has become widespread to say that “everything before was better." However, my experience is the opposite, I think the last ten years have been the best.

By December 2008, I had two jobs and was full-time in college. I made the decision to return to active military duty and volunteer to be in Iraq. I had everything planned: finish my studies that semester and leave my family for at least two years. I worked washing cars in a dealership and Borders, the bookstore. I always used my motorcycle because it saved me time getting to my jobs and university. On Saturday the 13th, I was heading to the bookstore at 4 am on my motorcycle. On the way, a drunk driver invaded my lane, and I had no choice but to jump so as not to be run over. When I fell on the road, I broke both legs. I was taken to the hospital, where I was stabilized. But they had to send me to the medical center in the capital because the only surgeons who could attend to that kind of emergency were there.

The Rio Piedras Medical Center is the largest hospital in Puerto Rico and the busiest at the same time. After 3 hours in an ambulance, we arrived at the emergency room where I spent almost 5 hours being treated. The hospital looks like a war zone. They receive all patients from Puerto Rico for all severe cases. Even though they had already prepared me for surgery, they postponed it. Every day, people arrive in worse condition, wounded by bullets, knives, suicide attempts, or car accidents. I spent eight days in the emergency room waiting for surgery on my legs. During those days I did not eat because at any time, I could go up to the operating room. My wife had to keep an eye on my medications. On several occasions, the nurses were confused by having so many people that they did not know what medication they were administering.

After the operation, I was sent home, and I couldn't move my legs. It was a nightmare to be able to enter my house. We improvised a ramp, and I stayed in the smallest room of the house. After 2 weeks, one morning I woke up with sharp chest pain. I was taken to the hospital and had an episode of pulmonary embolism. They transferred me by helicopter again to Rio Piedras, and I stayed there for almost a month. All my physical, mental and emotional health had deteriorated drastically. It took me almost a year to leave the wheelchair. All the doctors said I had permanent damage and would use a cane for the rest of my life.

However, during the months I was in bed, I asked my wife to set up my computer to learn a little about my physical condition. Reading several clinical cases, I realized what had happened. In all recovered cases, all patients had received surgery within hours of the accidents and physical therapy 4 or 5 days later. In my case, I spent more than a week, and the first physical therapy I received five months later. I didn't have the right medical care, and justice did nothing with the drunk driver. I lost the opportunity to return to the military, my college graduation, and the debts piled up.
After having studied many cases. I decided not to go back to the doctors and make my own physical therapy and training plan. I started going to the gym, sometimes going three times a day. But after all that work, I only saw a slight improvement. I added Krav Maga, kickboxing and Muay Thai classes. Even with everything I did, my legs did not gain the strength and the necessary balance to not depend on a wheelchair or cane. However, one day at the gym I felt different. I was confused because the day before, I had tried to lift 20 pounds with my legs, and I couldn't as usual. But that particular day I lifted 80 pounds. It was something that motivated me a lot. At that moment, I had returned much of the strength of my legs and a little balance. It was something that gave me a lot of encouragement.

Months later, I ran the famous 10k of Teodoro Moscoso. With much of my recovery, I decided to finish college and then do my master's degree. I quit collecting Social Security and started two jobs again. The University hired me and helped my brother open a food business. I dedicated myself to caring for my son 24/7 since my wife had decided to join the army. I also dedicated myself to learning about masonry, plumbing, and electricity and repairing computers and electrical appliances. I improved my skills as a mechanic and also dedicated myself a little to agriculture.

Because my wife was busy with her job as a teacher and the army, I became a handyman who knew how to cook, wash, iron, fix things, and at the same time do research and write essays and monographs. My son became a swimmer, and I also did volunteer work as a coach. In the last ten years, I learned things I did not imagine doing. My son became one of the best swimmers in PR, and my wife has had different accomplishments, including being the first female Chief Warrant Officer of engineering in Puerto Rico.

In my profession as a librarian, I have been fortunate to work in different types of libraries. I completed two additional post degrees and currently work with the US Naval War College library. With this work, I believe it is my second chance to serve in the military. Something I learned in these ten years is that all changes are learning opportunities and doing everything possible to make the days different. I enjoy being wrong (which is not very popular, especially among Puerto Ricans who think they know everything), because it is a chance to start over and learn. I like to wake up as a student and go to bed as a teacher and start over again the next day. I always dream of my retirement working every day. And the day I die, I want to do it with my boots on.

~

Jeffrey Merle - Puerto Rico

An American Driver

2 months after arriving in Cranston from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, my family seemed to be settled. My elder son joined 4th grade in elementary with the school bus pick-up and drop off. I got a job and started to get acquainted with the native English speakers' accents in daily communication. I had not driven a car before, therefore, my aunt had to take me to work every day. Getting a driver’s license inevitably became the next task in my plan.

I passed the written DMV test the first time I took it just by studying a little DMV handbook that my mother somehow had and gave to me. Then I searched for a driving school on the internet and had some sessions with Rose, a very knowledgeable senior instructor. However, I was extremely anxious on the day I took the road test. I did everything perfectly except for driving over the curb when I arrived at DMV. The front wheel climbed the curb. I was so nervous that I didn’t even recognize the issue. When the DMV examiner told me, I was too confused to fix it. He said sorry and marked me failed. I burst into tears right in front of him because it meant that I would bother my aunt for a longer time.

Now I think this issue was just “the final straw” for me after a long time being so full of stress and concentrated on getting things done perfectly since the day I decided to move to the U.S., i.e. so much complicated paperwork, preparing and packing luggage, a new environment, the language barrier, new job, kids school, medical registration, etc.

I had to call my uncle to pick me up. I hadn’t told anybody in my family when I left the house so my uncle didn’t know that I had taken the road test that day. I was really disappointed and feeling guilty. Even so, I texted my instructor immediately to schedule more driving lessons and patiently waited for the next road test.

Finally I made it. This time the DMV examiner said I did a great job and he couldn’t find any mistakes. I successfully got my driver’s license. Now I am able to drive to work every day, go shopping for groceries, and drive my children to the park, beach and libraries. Having a driving license not only makes many of my life tasks easier but also gives me freedom and independence. For the time being, I drive on local streets only because I am scared of highway traffic. Undoubtedly, that will be the next plan.

~

Xuan - Vietnam